Don’t lie. I know you were expecting me to come back with the cliche of ‘finding myself’. Now that I’ve returned and reflected, I feel like I can comment on whether or not I found myself, and what it means to me.
Did you get lost or something?
How about we start with, what does it mean to find yourself? How do you do it? Why do people try? Is anyone successful? What happens after? For me, finding yourself is more of an abstract term that means many different things to a lot of different people. I’d say I’m not alone in thinking that the most common way to ‘find oneself’ is through travel.
You must have met them, or at least heard about them, maybe in books or movies; those who leave everything behind to venture on this journey of finding themselves, but what exactly are they looking for? Most people don’t know, the only thing they’re sure of is they won’t find ‘it’ – whatever ‘it’ may be – in their home town, city or even country. It’s out there. Where is there? It’s subjective, but typically ‘there’ is hundreds or thousands of miles away from ‘here’. Boring, dull ‘here’.
Now I’ve butchered trying to define this elusive phrase, let me discuss some of the things I’ve ‘found’ or discovered on this trip that might bring more insight into finding oneself, and how successful it is.
Did you go to find yourself?
I didn’t go on this trip to find myself, to search for a part of me I felt disconnected to. I went because I always wanted to see the world, and after quite the traumatic health scare, it went from a desire to a need. That’s all. I got a glimpse of how precious and precarious life is, which urged, shoved and dragged me towards the thought process of ‘If I don’t do this before I die, will I regret it?’.
Of course, it’s true that most people believe they have their entire lives to tick off their lists, and the lucky ones do. However, I felt a little too close to death for a moment there, and believed I needed to grab life by the neck – in a chokehold – once I was healthy again. So to reiterate, no, I didn’t embark on this trip hoping or expecting to ‘find myself’, but was it a side quest?
#noregrets
In saying that, there are so many life lessons I have learned, which I’m not sure I would have in my mid 20’s if I’d stayed at home. Travel pushes you in all the ways. The experience was a lot easier for me having gone with Ben, so I missed out on the ‘how to handle loneliness’ and ‘how to deal without your support’ tests and lessons. Oh, I’m not complaining, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The first big smack in the face was when we arrived in Australia. Living in a very relaxed manner, I thought I would flourish in all my hobbies. Especially yoga and Spanish. What excuse was there? I’d have so much time to do all of these things. I could spend hours and hours doing yoga and practicing mi español.
Except, is that what happened? No. It’s not. I lived, swam, surfed, I walked, read, and relaxed. No, I didn’t push myself to do yoga or Spanish, but that meant I hardly practiced either of them. Why had I assumed that if I had more time, I’d have more discipline? I was practicing both Spanish and yoga as well as piano more when I had a full time job and a commute.
That’s what travel does. You foster expectations you sort of don’t expect or realise until they’ve been let down. You imagine this life that you’d love to live and tell yourself you’ll actually live that way because you’re in the right climate, or have enough time. But in the end, you still bought yourself. You packed all your excuses and procrastinations with you. They didn’t go anywhere, still stuffed into a heavy backpack on your shoulders you can’t take off.
The kind of situations travelling puts you in is the equivalent of putting a mirror in front of you that can reflect back everything you were trying to look away from. It shows you how you react in difficult situations, how you behave when you have all the freedom and all the spare time you could ask for. It lets you choose who you want to be when you meet new people from completely different parts of the world.
You end up so outside your ‘normal’ you start doing things like attending a ceremonial cacao yin yoga healing ceremony, meditation workshops, skydives or bungee jumps. You learn how you respond, what you’re magnetised to, who you miss.
What does finding yourself mean again?
Finding yourself isn’t one day of self realisation knowing what your purpose is or having revealed the depths of your soul suddenly. It’s the accumulation of all these little learning moments about yourself. It’s facilitated in a travelling experience because you’re put in these new experiences.
I believe you can achieve the same thing without travelling, as long as you’re receptive to it. Try new things, reflect on your thoughts, actions and relationships, push your boundaries and challenge yourself. Question your long-held beliefs, your tendencies, your unconscious behaviours. Keep asking yourself why. Get to know yourself, understand yourself better.
All these things tend to come naturally or just happen during a long term trip, but you have to actively seek them out in your normal day to day, put that effort in to be in new situations or analyse your beliefs.
Is it an exclusive club or something
Don’t get me wrong though, someone can go travelling for years on end and not learn a thing about themselves. I’m sure buddhists can sit in one spot on ‘find themselves’ – don’t worry, I’m not saying this is the same as enlightenment – without taking a step. My point here is it’s not reserved for those who decide to drop everything. If you want to, you can.
Once you do, you’ll find the right people gravitate towards you, your conversations become more fufilling, you care more, you love more, you feel more. You know your boundaries and you know how you want to be treated, what respect looks like for you, what your values are.
If I had one tip, if you wanted to embark on this journey of getting-to-know-you (which I’d deem is more accurate than ‘finding yourself’), I’d say meditate. It’s perhaps the only time in the day, week or month where you sit and observe your thoughts. What thoughts are behaving intrusively? What is your mind so occupied with when all you really have to do in that moment is pay attention to the breath?
Meditation is for everyone; is not prescribed to any belief system or religion and has countless proven benefits. Hey, I’m not perfect, realistically I manage about 10-15 minutes maybe 3-4 times a week. If you’re daunted by the prospect, try some guided meditations on Headspace or Waking Up.
So come on, did you find yourself?
So we’ve reached the conclusion. If you’re still here, thanks for sticking with me on this little self-reflective ramble. The time has come to share if I found myself.
The short answer is no, I don’t think ‘finding yourself’ is a journey with a destination. I don’t think you can ‘find yourself’ with nothing else to find. That sounds… a little boring to me.
Did I learn about myself? Yes, I did. I also learned about myself going through serious illness, that’s not a journey I chose but it was certainly one that taught me a lot about myself. Every year there’s a brand new Lauren emerging from the last; and I’ve gotta say, every year I like her a little more.
